The Reason
by DonEmilia
Summary: Jack realises how mush he hurt Sam when he was on Edora. Spoilers for 100 days. Complete!


Title: The Reason  
  
RATING: G  
  
AUTHOR: Crimson Regret 177  
  
EMAIL: Jeeves177yahoo.co.uk  
  
STATUS: Complete  
  
CATEGORY: Romance  
  
SPOILERS: 100 days  
  
DISCLAIMERS: Star gate isn't mine ::sob sob:: it belongs to those  
  
fabulous people at MGM, Gekko Corp, blah, blah, blah. I'm not making any money from this, if I was, it wouldn't be on ff.net would it, it would be in a book shop somewhere, making me lovely ££.  
  
A/N: Just a short little fic while I get over my writer's block for 'Fear Itself'. I love the song, and the more I listen to it, the more it seems to suit them.

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The Reason  
  
I'm not a perfect person  
  
There's many things I wish I didn't do  
  
But I continue learning  
  
I never meant to do those things to you  
  
He'd hurt her. He knew he had. He could tell by the look in her eyes, the sadness and betrayal that she was feeling. For he had betrayed her, he knew that now. Janet had told him how she had spent hour after hour in that gateroom trying to make him come back. How she had to practically sedate her to make her get any sleep. And all that time, he'd been with Laira, fooling himself that she could be some kind of substitute for Sam. That she would stop him missing her so badly.  
  
But she didn't. She was nothing like her. That wasn't her fault. It was his for trying to see her as a substitute. She didn't deserve that, she was her own person. He shouldn't have tried to see her as someone he could have because Sam wasn't there. That was a horrible, selfish thing to do. But he couldn't help it, he missed her so much, he would have given anything to pretend she was there with him.  
  
She looked so lost as she looked at him, and he truly hated himself for making her feel like this. She pretended it didn't hurt to see him rush past her to embrace the other woman, she pretended she hadn't even noticed. But she had, and it had ripped her in two.  
  
"Sam, I'm sorry" He said softly, not daring to hope that saying that will make everything OK.  
  
I'm sorry that I hurt you  
  
It's something I must live with everyday  
  
And all the pain I put you through  
  
I wish that I could take it all away  
  
And be the one who catches all your tears  
  
That's why I need you to hear  
  
"For what, Colonel? She says shakily, stressing the word Colonel.  
  
"Never mind" He says, turning to walk through the door.  
  
"What are you sorry for? Sorry for disappearing, making me think you were dead? Sorry for all the nights I didn't get any sleep from worrying that you might never come back? Sorry for all the hours I put in trying to get you to come back? Or sorry that when we finally do find you, you've been having a holiday for last few months and moved in with a local? So tell me Colonel, what exactly are you sorry for?"  
  
She managed to get through all of that without crying, but once she'd finished it got harder to control the tears. But he didn't try to comfort her, or shout back, or even move. He couldn't. Not knowing how much he'd hurt her. Not knowing that the one person he loved more than anyone else in the world hated him. Not knowing that the one person he would give up everything for couldn't bear to look at him.  
  
He would change everything for her. She'd already changed him in ways he wasn't even sure how. He suddenly recognized a lot of his faults, a lot of the things he wanted to change about himself. And she'd made him want to change. She made him want to start again.  
  
I've found a reason for me  
  
To change who I used to be  
  
A reason to start over new  
  
and the reason is you  
  
She was still sobbing. He went over to her, put him arm around her, tried to hold her, but she pulled back.  
  
"Don't you dare" She screamed "Don't you dare pretend everything is OK" He didn't back away though. He still tried to hold her. She still fought him, but the protests got weaker and weaker, until she wasn't protesting anymore, she was clinging on to him, sobbing. And he just held her until she didn't sob anymore.  
  
She raised her head slightly and looked at him. And there was less hurt. It was still there, but it had softened, just a little. And he knew eventually she would be OK.

She raised her lips to his, and kissed him softly, and before he knew it, he was kissing her back, and his hands were running through her hair. She pulled away suddenly.  
  
"I can't do this" She said, and ran from the room.  
  
He sat down in his chair, head in his hands, looking at the door she had just exited through. Someday, he thought, someday she would stop hurting. Someday, she would forgive him. Someday.  
  
I've found a reason to show  
  
A side of me you didn't know  
  
A reason for all that I do  
  
And the reason is you  
  
FIN

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Well please r n r, let me know what you think!! 


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